Gift for Timur

~ Gift for Timur ~

One day Nasreddin Hodja was called before Timur. Since Timur was famous for his barbarity, the Hodja, even though he was called to his presence often, feared him as much as the rest of the villagers. Nasreddin Hodja usually brought a gift to Timur in hopes of inspiring some good humour in him. This time, he decided to take him beets. As he was on his way with his basket full of beets in his arm, he ran into a friend.

`Where to, Hodja Effendi?'

`Timur called for me. I am taking him beets.'

`Hodja Effendi, beets don't make a good gift.' advised the friend, `you'd be better off if you took him figs.' Nasreddin Hodja took the counsel, went home and re-filled his basket with figs. Sadly, the Hodja had no idea that the dreaded ruler hated figs. When he offered his basket of figs to him, Timur ordered his men to throw the figs at Hodja's head. As the men showered the Hodja with one fig after another, the Hodja didn't seem to be distressed at all. He was laughing and praising Allah.

`What are you laughing at?', Timur roared, `Are you making fun of me? What are you being so thankful for?'

`Great Timur,' answered the Hodja, `I am giving my gratitude to Allah for making me listen to the recommendation of my good friend. What would happen to me now, had I not listened to that good man and brought you beets instead of figs? You were going to break my head with them!'

The Crow and the Wash Day

~ The Crow and the Wash Day ~

It was the laundry day. Nasreddin Hodja took the washtub, his wife bore the dirties bundle and they headed to the stream to wash their clothes. Hodja's wife placed their only soap bar on top of the bundle of dirty garments. As they were busy filling in the washtub, a crow swooped down and grabbed the bar of soap.

`Hodja Effendi,' the wife screamed, `a crow took our soap. Do something!' Nasreddin Hodja looked hopelessly behind the crow that was flying away.

`Woman, let him go.' he reasoned, `Look at him, he is as black as coal. Obviously he needs a good wash more than we do.'

Recipe

One day the Hodja and his friends were chatting in the coffee house. The topic was food. They were trading recipes, reminiscing how one dish was heavenly and yet another was so exquisite that it made you eat your fingers with it. All this talk of food was making everyone hungry. Finally when someone described how to make a superb stew of liver and lungs, Nasreddin Hodja asked him to write the recipe down on a piece of paper. His appetite whetted, the Hodja put the recipe in his coat pocket and headed for the butcher.

Having bought a couple of kilos of fresh liver and lungs, Nasreddin Hodja started to walk towards home. In anticipation of a delicious dinner, the recipe in the coat pocket, the Hodja was swinging the meat package from its string and whistling contentedly as he walked. Alas, misfortune was in the air. A large crow dived down, grabbed the meat and flew off. As the crow was ascending with the meat packet in his mouth, Nasreddin Hodja put his hands around his mouth and shouted:

`Alright then, take the meat! But you won't be able to enjoy it. I have got the recipe!'

Small Barn

~ Small Barn ~

Nasreddin Hodja's barn was very small, it could barely house his donkey. When Hodja's wife insisted that they should get a cow, so that they could benefit from its milk, the Hodja always refused, claiming there was no room in the barn for a cow. But the wife persisted and the Hodja gave in. They bought a cow. When they brought the cow home, it turned out that Nasreddin Hodja was right. When the cow was lying down, the donkey had to stand and when the donkey was lying down, the cow had to stand. The Hodja was very upset that his beloved donkey was uncomfortable all night long. He wished that the cow would die and his cherished donkey would have peace.

`My Allah!' he prayed, `If you take the cow, the wife cannot pester me any more and my donkey would have the barn all to himself.'

The next morning when the Hodja entered the barn, to his dismay, he found his donkey dead.

`You Sublime Creator,' he addressed the heavens, `don't be upset with me for saying this, but after all these years, you still can't tell a cow from a donkey!'